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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Letters, oh we get letters, we get your letter's everyday!


Hey there Sarah, wow what a week huh? At least we now know where your obsession with Bailey's begins eh? (I'll be Frank and you be Earnest). It wasn't the drink, it was the stink. That you threw under the bus, turns out if you throw enough people under the bus there is a good chance of the wheels coming off. Now let me thank you for the fake other fake fakebook page, I think there was a shout out to Ole Louie there with the Lou Sarah title (was that a tingle I felt up my leg? actually it was me pissing myself with laughter.. boxers, briefs....depends).
Now I suppose in all of this unrest and turmoil  going on, you're wondering where is your bestest ever bud Louie?, Well I've been trying to untangle the mess that is the Fux newb talking points, and you’re a journalist right? We need the who, what, why, and where,, stat!
 I'll help you with this, who, financed Walker, WI Ranger, (Koch Bro's to the tune of 43K, a bunch more of that in ads yea!! Citizen’s United!! ), What was Moammar Gadhafi going on about? (Now you would be some serious help here, do you do Arabic word salad, also too?). Why does giving tax breaks to the rich and union busting help the economy again? Where is Toad?
 The one journalistic thing that Fux has going for it, is endlessly bashing Obama, the First Lady, and selling some gold!! (seems to be a lot of work at home, gold scams, real-estate stuff going on at the ole AM network that is Fuxed, I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, if I was a lesser man, I would love to have that bagger mailing list, or as the O’Jay’s sang “Money, Money, Money”)
Now here's my thing Sarah, I went to a few anti-war protests (I was in SF and smoking some really good pot at the time but that is neither here nor there, just being a green meanie). When they started putting Hitler mustaches on G.W. Bush and burning him in effigy it was out of line. To be truthful I did joke about First Lady Barbara.. Saying that she looked a lot like George...Washington.. I  ended up feeling a bit bad about that. I like a good joke (kinda why I like you) but let's all cool it down, call it a fun run...
Hey there is always 2016, maybe Brusty or Wallow’s could carry the torch
-Louie

Monday, February 14, 2011

Sarah Scissor Hands

Hey there Sarah, Happy VD!! (ok, sort of tongue in cheek, but ya should probably stop by a local clinic, just sayin') I see you are spreading the love today. Let me guess where you would make the cuts, let's see planned parenthood? public worker pensions? (do you still get a pension even though you quit?, my guess is you wouldn't cut your own, only those damn teachers and firefighters living high on the hog). I also saw the links in your little fakeybook post, hot blaze and heritage foundation, now there is some un-biased reporting there Sarah, you big journalist you!
So what are your proposals? We're all waiting,, (well not so much)..
--Louie

Thursday, February 10, 2011

O'Mubarak

Hey there Sarah, I see where your sorority sister at the University of Batshit Crazy, (or UBC), Michele, no not the one stealing cupcakes from you and Bristy, but that Bachmann (and not the cool kinda whoa, that's Bach, man) Naw this bitch is gonna usurp you so I think you need to take the nails out! (oh and you can get them finished at All About You spa!! (and I can't think of a better place for you to spa out). You were fantastic on ole Hannity, so many policies which are just great, I think you should do a new campaign, where we just put Muslim in front of shit we're scared of, caution smoking this shit might make you Muslim, (ok, I do like the Camel's cowicky dink I don't think so) or tearing the label off this mattress might make you Muslim. See the Bunny loving Brotherhood doesn't have nearly the impact. We all need a boogie man under the bed or in the closet (yeah looking your way Todd). I was gonna give you a birthday present, put well didn't really wanna give you cash (you know how you are with cash) so gift certificate to Pac's R Us, yeah I know you actually have to spend the money on another campaign other than your own (which is why gift cards suck) but hey the thought was there. Well it's a day early here ya go .

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Brahhzaat!!! Goes My Raygun!!

Hey there Sarah, sorry for the silence, we here at the Unicorn Ranch were celebrating that good ole terrorist sympathizing, tax hiking, deficit raising, wealth distributing (to the wealthy) President.. No no not your wishful snuggle bunny Obama, but Reagan. more on that. . Well it was fun, we rolled a bum for a cig, drank good scotch, and said, "I don't remember" a lot, just like Reagan!! Now Sarah I gotta give you some props, not a single gaffe in thirty minutes..Wow color me shocked! Although you did go from there to CBN, and I noticed how close the "b" is to the "n" perhaps you thought it was CNN? Regardless, you are gonna help journalists out? Awesome! how about you start with letting the press into you little speeches? See we called at 3am and it did not go to the answering machine, nope said, "We're sorry this line has been disconnected".. Now the important thing is jobs, and getting off that "road to ruin" and in that vein we need to abolish planned parenthood, because that's a job buster right there! See I figured it out anything with the word "hood" in it is bad, and scary (to tell you the truth). Muslim brotherhood, hoodies,(black or white), red ridinghood, "boy's in the hood", neighborhood (unless it's in real america), Hood College, see these are all bad and scary! You see where I'm going, so double down and trickle down.. Oh and need to talk to Bristy love ya 
--Louie 
P.S. dear readers Louie's been a bit busy, there is a link there on the Reagan Myth, but not showing and don't have time right now... sigh more later and I'll clean this act up... but hey we got the flames solved for the moment

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A tale of two channels

Well here at the Unicorn Ranch, there was a bit of cable channel surfing, I had watched/read of the escalation of violence in Egypt during the day. I wanted to know if the events had grown better or worse, hoping for the better, which sadly wasn't the case. I turned first to MSNBC and Rachel's show. What I saw there made my heart sink, but it was live coverage, very little commercial breaks and a discussion, what do we do? where do we go from here? is our President's response correct? Heady questions no doubt, but one's that needed to be asked. Now me being fair and kinda balanced, I turned to the good ole Bill O'Reily report. Bill was not there and a Fux's typical blonde woman was subbing for him (no pun intended with the use of the word subbing, but with Bill I guess it's implied at least I didn't use Luffa). Nope no live coverage instead they are debating abortion, well framed in planned parenthood, I use the term debating loosely, see a debate on fox consists of a straw man question/argument, in this case, "How many babies did taxpayer's money kill this week?". While the opposition tries to answer in a slow thought out response she is talked over with "answer the question, answer the question, we can't have a discussion if you can't answer the question" then commercial break. See I've noticed this not only on fox t.v. but radio as well, talk over the discussion, get your talking points in.. commercial break. Buy Gold bitches!! and back to the.. err debate..but we're out of time..Oh in the time it's taking me to write this post I get Hannity, who starts off with his "all american panel" which joke's about death and Camel Jockey's. keep it classy there Sean, while they pimp Uncle Rupert's new iPad propaganda machine..
god I need a shower and a brain bleach.
has it really come to this
--Louie

Monday, January 31, 2011

So far eeh eeek!

Hey there Sarah, well quite the weekend in Reno, ya done well. So where has your love, Obama restrained gun rights? In Egypt? Oh I suppose cutting off their billion dollar money to Egypt is kind of gun rights. We should probably keep this to the point at hand and Safari Club Inc, wow what a show you had, not only you, but Larry the Cable Guy and Matt Lewis as Elvis!! Neat thing is the HQ is in Tuscon, kinda WTF moment, no? Now I'm a pretty open guy, but really what is a handgun for, it actually serves only one purpose, to kill another human. That's it Sarah, the only time I have seen a handgun used in hunting is Boar, which is rare and only with people who are not that great at the sport, (I use the term sport lightly). 34 people are killed a day in America with a handgun, 70% of people who own handguns for protection are either killed with their own handgun or shoot a family member on accident. Now trophy hunters are a different kinda of breed, see they hunt for no other reason then to see something dead, and to preserve it in it's dead state, neat huh? Ole Chuckles was into taxidermy wasn't he? Oh that guy in Psycho was into taxidermy also too. I look forward to you re-inventing the story of your kids names on the next speaking engagement (hey maybe the druggy convention, whatta Tripp, or neat Track marks)
Oh and Sarah naw you had nothing to do with Cairo but if you find it on a map I'll paypall you a twenty. Oh little link to Safari Club International (great group of kids there) http://www.scifirstforhunters.org
--Louie

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A beginners guide to grifting part1

Now being since Sarah's not going to help us out on this one, I am. First what is a grift? well the dictionary describes it as such (damn I miss the old paper dictionary) Money made dishonestly, as in a swindle. A swindle or confidence game. Ole Louie is a huge fan of the confidence game, or at least in the movies. The Sting, Confidence, Ocean's Eleven, and Grifter's. The first thing in grifting is ya need to be an underdog, or outsider, looks definitely need to be on the resume. Second must have is building confidence in your mark or trick as some say. Not only are they just like you but a pinch better, this gets them in the game. You can win and you'll win with me. Hand me a buck and I'll hand you back a fiver. Next is support, you need to be supported, because you have to lose and a lot to win, this gives your marks confidence in what you are doing. Any publicity is good, we used to call it stirring the pot. Pot stirring is huge because that's some money (tee shirts, coffee mugs and various bullshit). Play the victim, this is a must too, poor me and it just didn't work out this time, but it will get better if you just give me one more chance, grabbing the heart is big in a grift. "To know me is to Love Me" followed by can I have your wallet.
Part duex tomorrow... oh and this backin it up
Love ya
--Louie